Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 9 August 2013

image for Maria Sharapova Warned By The U.S. Tennis Board To Tone Down Her Loud Grunting
Sharapova, the 6-foot-2-inch Russian native is not a happy camper due to the Tennis Board's ruling.

CHICAGO - Acting on numerous complaints from tennis fans as well as fellow tennis players, the U.S. Tennis Board has issued a warning to tennis pro Maria Sharapova.

The USTB has ruled that Miss Sharapova must tone down her extremely loud grunting during professional tennis matches.

A USTB spokesperson stated that the 26-year-old tennis player's on court grunts have been recorded at 101 decibels, or the noise equivalent of a chainsaw or Harley Davidson motorcycle.

The Board has ruled that they she must reduce the grunt decibel level to at least 90 or run the risk of forfeiting any match in which she participates.

The 6-foot-2-inch Russian native is furious at the ruling and has said that she is planning on hiring the services of noted California attorney Ginger Allred to fight the ruling.

The USTB has informed Miss Sharapova, who is ranked #3 in the world by The World Tennis Association, that before each one of her matches she will be fitted with a noise level monitoring device to provide a decibel reading.

SIDENOTE: Sharapova is also upset at the fact that she has been instructed to wear the noise level monitoring device between her breasts.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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