Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 5 July 2013

image for Aaron Hernandez Will Not Be Having A Prison Wedding
Aaron Hernandez has just been informed that he will not be allowed to get married in prison.

BRISTOL COUNTY, Massachusetts - Aaron Hernandez is in a world of trouble and the ex-$8 million per year New England Patriots player cannot even afford to pay for a Get Out of Jail Free Card.

In the span of just a few short weeks Hernandez has gone from wearing the silver, blue, red, and white uniform of the New England Patriots to the drab green uniform of the Bristol County Big House of Corrections.

His uniform number has changed from #81 to #174954.

According to Sports Balls Illustrated Daily, Hernandez is desperate to marry his girlfriend identified as Shayanna "Sista" Jenkins who is the mother of his seven-month-old daughter Passalina.

The former 23-year-old tight end isn't exactly the brightest crayon in the Crayola box but he does know that a wife cannot be made to testify against her husband.

Massachusetts state authorities are well aware of this fact and they have stated in no uncertain terms that the sexy, sultry, actress Sofia Vergara will have sexual reassignment surgery and become a man before Hernandez is allowed to marry Miss Jenkins.

In Other News. Jessica Simpson, who is a playing card fanatic, said that before she decided to name her new baby boy Ace, she had picked out the name Joker, but her non-husband and the baby's father Eric Johnson vetoed her idea.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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