Written by Ossurworld
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Topics: Lebron James

Monday, 3 June 2013

Indiana Pacers' tough guy Roy Hibbert had to suck up his toughness after the latest press conference.

In his address to the media, he spread a light paprika over the blowhard press corps. Of course, that was merely the first of his tasty hors d'oeuvres to the ho's who deserved it.

The rest of the press conference served up little wieners on a toothpick.

Hibbert's main goal was to show that David Ortiz is not the only dumb athlete to use offensive language on live television. Unlike Ortiz, Hibbert did not receive a standing 'O' from the conservative Hoosier beltway fans.

Since slurred words happen weekly in the NBA, Hibbert could not be expected to know gay slurs have been banned as archaic by Oxford English Dictionary.

Hibbert used an abbreviated version of the word "homosexual" in the same sentence as the proper noun "LeBron." Even Emily Post would frown on this.

Any grammarian worth his salty language will tell you such doublespeak is a tautology. In some circles this is worse than splitting LeBron's infinitive.

The name "LeBron" cannot be used in metaphoric slight unless the perp is a snide satirist. Bosh, you say? We are ready to wade into more controversy.

As a result of these infractions, Hibbert was forced to apologize to anyone dumb enough to believe he was sincere. Indeed, Commissioner David Stern was so unsure of the sincerity quotient that he noted it in his official public statement. Then, he assessed a $75,000 fine on the offensive player. Now who's dumb?

Hibbert also issued a statement in which he claimed his remarks were "insensitive" and not "a reflection of my personal views." Four-letter words are likely a reflection of his professional views. In college Hibbert was a four-letter star.

Since "insensitive" is not a word within the Hibbert vocabulary, dipthong experts believe the phraseology came from some highfaluting attorney on the NBA payroll.

In any respect, this language dustup merely reflects the current state first-year writing programs in the colleges and universities that educate today's NBA statesmen.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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