Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 10 April 2013

image for Arizona Decides To Ban Soccer
Governor Brewer will issue a proclamation prohibiting the game of soccer throughout the state.

PHOENIX - Arizona Governor Jan Brewer has met with officials representing the various professional and amateur teams in the state regarding an important sports-related health issue that has come up.

A group calling itself Soccer Moms From The Blue State of Arizona or Soc Moms for short recently met with the governor at a Captain Cluckity Cluck Clucks Chicken Shack in Phoenix.

The director of Soc Moms Imogene Gertrude Wackwicket, 41, said that due to the tremendous high temperatures that Arizona experiences during the summer, they feel that soccer should be banned.

Mrs. Wackwicket, who is divorced but currently dating an unemployed poet, said that last summer her little boy, whom she identified as Willie Billy Wackwicket, 12, ended up looking like a Maine Lobster at the end of the season.

She went on to say that at least two times a week he would hallucinate and say that he was the little boy version of Russell Brand.

Mrs. Wackwicket informed the governor that she made it a point to have little Willie Billy drink at least 27 bottles of Gatorade during the game but that did not really help.

Governor Brewer has studied several videos showing some of the young boys sweating so much that their shorts actually fell down to their ankles as they were running.

SIDENOTE: The state wide soccer ban will go into effect on Friday, April 19, at 1:15 p.m.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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