Written by Ossurworld
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Tuesday, 19 February 2013

Reports are coming out of left field that Michael Jordan, the ostensible greatest NBA player of all-time, plans a return to the game at age 50.

Not since 70-year old Ty Cobb considered a comeback to baseball have we heard such a tall-tale. Cobb felt he could hit about .270 at age 70, which would embarrass his career figures.

After watching the space rock flying over Russia, Jordan may feel that 'dem bones, dem bones' are ready for meteoric leaps once again. He is now reliving Space Jam as if he has become a cartoon character.

No such fears have come to Michael Jordan. He has lost forty pounds of trouble and is back to playing weight. If a heavy weight were the only impediment to acting like 20 at 50, we'd see more geriatric leagues.

If Jordan returns, could he play for the team he owns? How much would he have to pay himself? Can the Celtics sign him?

We wonder if the cost of having EMTs and an ambulance on call would be prohibitive.

The age of retirement may be increasing on a regular basis, leading to longer adolescence and longer waiting times at the orthopedic surgeon's office.

In Michael Jordan's case, the word "retirement" may not be part of his linguistically-challenged life. He came out of retirement many times when younger.

Now after a long haul of riding off into the sunset, he has returned again like a bad franchise movie with Bruce Willis or Sylvester Stallone.

Immortality has long been an impossible dream, but like Don Quixote, Michael Jordan has created a new metaphor for AARP ratings.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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