Written by Billy Bureaucrat
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Topics: Irish, Ryanair

Thursday, 24 August 2006

image for O'Leary Threatens World Domination
O'Leary To Dominate

Reports are coming in that a videotape made by Michael O'Leary, CEO of Irish No-Bullshit Airline Ryanair is hitting the newsdesks of the world.

Apparently, O'Leary is planning to eradicate the world's dependence on oil by flooding the market with a new derivative fuel developed by the Ryanair Scientific Foundation.

It is understood that O'Leary's interest in derivative fuels dates back to when he worked with Guinness Peat Aviation where Dr. Tony Ryan was trying to develop a turf burning rocket engine.

Ryan and O'Leary later teamed up to develop Ryanair which revolutionised European Air Travel while maintaining their mutual interest in bio-fuels.

Sources close to O'Leary have confirmed that the fuel is an homologised mixture of Irish Peat and Pedigree Irish Bullshite derived from O'Leary's prize herd.

The new fuel is hundred times more efficient than fossil fuels, your average tractor will circumnavigate the world on two gallons of the stuff and with zero omissions, it is claimed.

The Bush Administration has cautiously welcomed the discovery but and has sent a delegation of Texan Cattle Rustlers to O'Learys' native Mullingar to investigate further.

Condoleezza Rice, US National Security Advisor has called on Arab oil producing states to remain calm on foot of the news but it is understood panic selling of oil has already started resulting in Gulf States slashing their prices by half.

Currency markets have also been rattled by the news with money pouring from the US Dollar into the Latvian Lat, where the world's richest peat deposits are said to exist.

This move, economic analysts believe may be too late as it is known that O'Leary already owns most of Latvia.

The only known supplies of peat west of Europe are believed to be in Mexico and US Government Officials deny reports that eight American Aircraft Carriers have been seen heading for the Gulf Of Mexico.

The same officials also denied reports that these events could see an early withdrawal of US Forces from Iraq.

Ryanair sources refuse to confirm that O'Leary has retired to a bombproof bunker buried under a bog with the secret recipe for the new fuel.

Meanwhile President George W. has declared immediate American citizenship for the whole of Mexico and an end to Mexican border controls.

The world's media remains baffled by today's events!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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