Written by Ossurworld
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Saturday, 16 February 2013

With the Celtics sending up flares to tell the world they are in big trouble with a diminishing roster, the bigger flare occurred over Russia as an unexpected meteor crashed, boomed, and baaahed over the countryside, injuring over 1000 people.

Luckily no Celtics were in the line of fire. If they had lost another player, the team would need to dig up the mummified remains of Larry Bird, the last comet to fly by Boston.

In a related story, GM Danny Ainge has sent out heat-seeking helicopters, drones, and has even resorted to the tried and true bloodhounds to find a big man.

This effort to find a few good men who can play basketball has not borne any fruit so far. Celtics fans are urging the franchise to lower their expectations and to accept someone who looks good in Fruit of the Loom underwear and can run up and down the floor for a few hours.

Not since Mick Jagger sang his hit tune "I Got No Expectations," have there been fewer expectations for a player to push the Celtics into the playoffs.

A few wags have pointed out that Danny and Doc Rivers could fill the bill as old front-court demons.

So far the drones have not discovered any NBA stars in hiding in plain sight. Indeed, those wanting to be found have been waving white flags on the Carnaval Cruise Lines ship Temptation.

You would think the Celtics could find a player somewhere among the stench of the cruise ship in the Gulf of Mexico. The rumor that Delonte West was one of those waving a white bedsheet is untrue.

Meanwhile back in Boston, the Celtics might ask if Gronk can play basketball for a few months. He is available and could spike the basketball to great effect.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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