Written by Ossurworld
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Monday, 19 November 2012

New England coach Bill Belichick held a press conference and announced he had not heard anything about Rob Gronkowski (his star tight end having broken a forearm).

The Gronk, as he is affectionately known, had surgery at Mass. General Hospital early Monday morning, though Belichick seemed left outside the loop.

This news may have sent titters around the media members present at Gillette Stadium, but it reveals a far more interesting insight into the coaching staff and chain of command of the New England Patriots.

Now we can officially call them the "Know-Nothing" franchise.

We suspect that owner Bob Kraft has yet to inform Belichick he has been fined for "Spygate."

Belichick's professed ignorance is no excuse, according to many fans. If he pleads ignorance in a court of law, he might find himself convicted of perjury.

Yet, we have a sense that Belichick tells the truth. No one has informed him that Pluto is no longer a planet, and that the Earth goes around the Sun.

Without access to the Internet, the Patriots Head Coach likely has not heard that Twinkies are an endangered food source of fans and that Barack Obama won the Florida electoral votes.

Belichick has not yet heard that the NHL has locked out their players, and he probably has not heard that the Red Sox dumped Adrian Gonzalez, Carl Crawford, and Josh Beckett.

Rob Gronkowski allegedly had surgery on his broken arm several hours before Belichick's news conference. We cannot expect news of this unimportance to have reached the coach who still uses snail mail to send memos to his players.

Belichick is expected to receive the news about Gronk by Pony Express later this week.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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