Written by Monkey Woods
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Topics: Drugs, Cycling

Thursday, 25 October 2012

image for Lance Armstrong To Lose Right To Be Called Lance Armstrong
The wheels have certainly come off for Lance!

Cycling legend Lance Armstrong, who has recently been stripped of his seven Tour de France victories because of as-yet-unproven drug-taking allegations, is rumoured to be in danger of losing his right to be called Lance Armstrong.

The rumour, started by me not five minutes ago, centres on the US cyclist's misfortune at being stripped of his Tour titles by the International Cycling Union (ICU) even without a proper hearing of the case.

The United States Anti-Doping Agency (USADA) claims it has the necessary evidence against Armstrong, but has not needed to produce it, as the cancer survivor has now given up protesting his innocence.

Now, however, the ICU has indicated it will be applying to the Register of Births & Deaths Office to have Armstrong's name changed to something more suitable, like Vance Armstrong or Blanche Armstrong, or even Lance Itsrong.

But not Louis Armstrong.

One day, he may even be found guilty.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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