Written by Ossurworld
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Wednesday, 24 October 2012

Yes, the home game of the St. Louis Rams is in London against the ultimate visitors, the New England Patriots who at least share the name England with the country where they play this week.

If the Rams go on the tourist trap carousel, they may as well stop at the Charles Dickens house where they can learn that London is one of the two cities in a novel where you don't lose your head.

Alas, visiting teams to London frequently think that Carnaby Street and the Apple belong to the Beatles era-and the end is near shortly thereafter.

After all, the Beatles were from Liverpool, not London-though the only American to realize that nowadays is John Henry, owner of the Red Sox and the British football club.

If you put a Ram in a china shoppe, you may find yourself in a little shop of horrors. No one is singing "Meet Me in St. Louis," on Downing Street. If the Rams decide to compare the Thames to the mighty Mississippi, they may end up like Mark Twain, wondering what all the hullaballoo is about over a muddy pond.

The only gateway to the West is in the West End, where Tom the Ripper may be lurking to slice and dice another unsuspecting NFL team down on its luck. Brady is in the mood to do in five or six betting victims this Sunday with his stainless steel nerves now under control.

London is a famous location for the blitz, but don't expect those Patriots from Boston to do much charging unless they see the whites of your eyes. The Patriots know where the Cathedral of Boston is located, but we doubt they know much about Westminster Cathedral.

Whether innumerable British fans show up wearing red coats, only the historians will note. Belichick has put two lanterns in the Old North Church as the Patriot charter jet leaves Boston. The Americans are coming by sea.

The Patriots plan to fire a shot heard 'round the world, but Patriot fans will settle for a popgun offense and a defense that holds up better than the old one at Bunker Hill.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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