Written by Ossurworld
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Friday, 7 September 2012

Not since Mick Jagger sang about "Brown Sugar" has there been such a sickeningly sweet brouhaha over the naturally exotic sweetener.

Yes, Bobby Valentine had breakfast with owner John Henry in Seattle. It was the meal of the day for the two Red Sox officials, though the media expected that it would end with Henry having a projectile vomit.

No, it was a meal that Valentine calls his favorite of the day. On one day he admitted he always feels better after breakfast when he does not receive a pink slip or have to pick up the check.

On the radio interview the next day, we received the full complaint. Apparently the owner's ham was overcooked, and Bobby's oatmeal was soured by the lack of brown sugar in the restaurant.

This was one of the premiere restaurants in Seattle, not your fast-food big breakfast. They never overcook the ham on the Egg Muffin sandwich in most restaurants, though the paper cover often sticks to the melted cheese.

Bobby had it better than he realizes. We are surprised that John Henry did not point this out. Then, again, Henry forgot to fire Valentine over the second cup of coffee.

Valentine later complained there were no pink sugar sweetener packets, only blue ones. That was the perfect chance for Henry to hand him the pink slip.

Instead of calling the restaurant manager and demanding he be fired, Bobby took his offended taste buds to go public.

The food was not two hours late, though Valentine was.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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