Written by Jaggedone
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Friday, 24 August 2012

image for Lance Armstrong never took drugs, just performance enhancers!
Mexican dealer on his bike; guess where he's going?

Lance Armstrong has called the rumours surrounding his so-called drug taking during the Tour De France as complete and utter nonsense! But he does admit to taking perfomance enhancers before the Tour and during it too and these are certainly not drugs!

Lance claims that the performance enhancers were purely organic and not drugs therefore completely legal and the claims that he was doped, fixed or in any other physical state during his sensational 7 times win is a load of "cojones"!

The only reason why the Tour's drug authorities smelt a "dirty red herring" was after Sheryl Crow separated from Lance, but refused to divulge the reason.

But the intrepid reporters of Jaggedone's CIA (Cockroach Infiltration Army who get in every orifice) have found out the truth behind the very expensive separation and here it is: Lance's pride and joy had shrivelled and shrunk to the size of a new-born baby's willy and Sheryl just needed more (inches that is)!

And being the evil, sneaky, dastardly, creepy bunch that the CIA are; we told the Tour de France authorities about Lance's problem with Sheryl..

And yet another superb scoop!!

More as I make it up!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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