Written by Ossurworld
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Tuesday, 21 August 2012

Carl Crawford has been playing with a bad elbow. He may need surgery that will jeopardize at least part of next season, making three lost seasons of his seven-year contract.

Carl must have broken a mirror the day he signed the Red Sox contract.

When he first visited Fenway Park, Crawford walked under the ladder hanging on the Green Monster. No one told him it was cursed.

Theo Epstein may have had a black cat cross his path after he hired the private detective to research Crawford's background before he decided to offer a contract.

The day Crawford decided to sign with Boston for $140 million, an albatross landed on owner John Henry's yacht in Boston Harbor. Thinking it was a turkey, Henry ordered that the bird be fed chopped liver and clubbed with Carl's useless bat.

On his first game at Fenway Park, Carl Crawford stepped on a crack in the Red Sox dugout. Josh Beckett subsequently cried out in pain.

Worst of all, the Red Sox gave Crawford a brand new Aluma Wallet (as seen on television), but of course there was no money in it, thereby negating the theft protection and crush resistant features.

When Carl was handing the saltshaker to Josh Beckett as he munched on a chicken wing, the left fielder inadvertently spilled the salt.

At the Red Sox Christmas party, when John Henry caught Crawford stealing the crystal punch bowl under the mistletoe, Carl refused to kiss the owner's behind.

After careful consideration, we have concluded that all of the above means Carl Crawford may be seeking a soothsayer on how to break the streak next March 15.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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