Written by Ossurworld
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Topics: Bill Belichick

Monday, 13 August 2012

Crime-buster Bill Belichick is up to his eyes in intriguing homework for his new continuing education degree program at one of the local community colleges.

Few people realize that New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick is working part-time on his Associate's Degree as a parole officer. Part of his field work is an internship with those who should be doing hard time.

Reports circulate that he is giving a test drive to Plaxico Burress, last seen packing iron and his bags for another team.

Last year Belichick took on Albert Haynesworth and Chad Ochocinco as part of his independent study of incorrigibles in the workplace.

Belichick received barely a D grade in his class entitled "Sexual Felons and Wife Beaters 101" after Ochocinco ate Belichick's homework and Haynesworth skipped all the classes.

This weekend, as part of his follow-up course work, Belichick had to find an attorney for Ochocinco in Miami after he was charged with giving his wife a bloody headbutt.

This season Bill hopes to finish up that online course in "Concealed Weapons in Your Front Pants Pocket." He will interview Plax Burress on Sunday for an insider's look at crime and punishment.

Perhaps Belichick's favorite course so far has been "Illegal Moves on the Dance Floor," in which Julian Edelman went undercover at a disco, dressed as an officer from Reno 911.

Lately some players have compared Belichick's training camp to Massachusetts Correctional Institution at Cedar Junction.

Those out on good behavior, like Donte Stallworth, have been rewarded with keys to the Belichick golf cart.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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