As the football season rolls upon us once again and the transfer market goes mad, Man Utd have decided to back off of deals that have anything to do with 29 year-old super-Gunners, 26 year-old spoilt brats who refuse to play for Spurs and Brazilian, overrated youngsters who demand that their mums and dads get a huge piece of the transfer cake!
Instead they are about to make a record singing of a Brazilian Amazon Indian who was seen jumping from tree to tree monkey style with only a banana leaf strapped around his buttocks!
A Jamaican anthropologist called, Insane Bolt, filmed the Indian named, Coca Plant, performing these unbelievable leaps whilst juggling Brazil nuts on his toes and posted it on You Tube.
A Man Utd scout, frustrated at the thought of Sir Alex's reaction after a Dutch Gunner's wage demands, who were the same as United pay that other Monkey, saw the Brazilian Indian juggling with his nuts up the Amazon trees, posted it to Sir Alex and he asked, "how much does the buggar want in wages, laddie?"
The answer was, zero, and Sir alex has now put in an offer of £350 million for him because there are no agents to pay and his wage demands are nothing, what a bargain!
The Brazilian government in the interim have captured Coca Plant and he is being shipped to Old Trafford in a padded, wooden crate so he can begin to learn the very, very expensive "beautiful game!"
More as we get it.......