Written by tennisman
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Thursday, 26 July 2012

image for New athlete called Philip Sidowu to compete at London 2012
Team GB's Athletics training camp off the M6

Plans for GB's athletics team have been thrown into confusion on the eve of the games with the appearance at the team's luke warm weather training camp in a field outside Keele Services off the M6 by the arrival of a new athlete.

Looking remarkably like the teams' triple jump star who has reportedly gone missing, this new athlete who calls himself Philip Sidowu, has claimed that he has a right to a place at London 2012 because for the last 8 years he has been meeting all the training requirements necessary to make him elgible.

Sidowu makes these assertions even though over that period, while he has been training at home in his front room, no-one from Team GB has been aware of his existence.

'I've been preparing mentally for all that time by using the sports science technique of Copyisation, he assured everyone. I've watched re-runs of every episode of a Question of Sport, so I know what I have to do'.

Apparently, this 'ghost' competitor has been practicing the hop-skip-leap sequence of the triple jump by vaulting over his young children's toys on the sitting room floor. He used strips of old Play Doh to replicate the board from which to launch his entry or exit from the room.

Against criticism that he has no cardio-vascular fitness whatsoever, Philip explained that getting up many times a day to check on the consistency of his hair dye in the kitchen sink 'would keep anyone fit!'.

A spokesman for the team looking very like the well known Head Coach but mysteriously calling himself Charles Van Kompany was impossible to understand when he responded to press questions as he sounded too much like Steve McClaren's impression of a dutchman.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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