Written by Gail Farrelly
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Tuesday, 24 July 2012

image for Don Larsen Puts Old Uniform up for Auction; Others Follow Suit
Play ball! But first, uniforms will be searched.

The news that star pitcher Don Larsen was putting his old baseball uniform (the one he wore on Oct. 8, 1956, when as a Yankee he pitched the only perfect game in World Series history) up for sale has encouraged many other baseball retirees to drag out their old uniforms and put them on the auction block.

A Spoof spy was able to sneak a peek at the contents of a huge box of old uniforms from a variety of players now up for auction. When she looked through the mound of dirty uniforms (sweat, dirt, tobacco juice-laced spit, etc., combined to create a smell she described as "quite stinky"), she was astounded at what she found.

Several of the uniforms had secret pockets, revealing an interesting stash of goodies. A pitcher's hidden pocket contained an emery board and a sheet of sandpaper. Secret pockets in uniforms of other players contained mini flasks of gin, vodka, or scotch. Other pockets contained photos of shapely females, wearing baseball caps and little else, advertising services available by calling
1-800-hot-date or 1-800-we-score.

Legendary baseball star Yogi Berra commented on the finds: "It ain't over 'til it's over."

Let the games -- or, um, the bidding -- begin!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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