Written by Ossurworld
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Monday, 18 June 2012

Red Sox fans may demand that the EPA (Environmental Protection Agency) be called in to investigate the fetid air in the Boston clubhouse, according to insider sources.

Carbon monoxide is usually colorless and odorless, and the Red Sox are opaque and smell to high heaven on the field. Who knows what goes on behind closed doors?

Numerous media members are now claiming that there is more danger in breathing the air shared by Josh Beckett, Kevin Youkilis, Dustin Pedroia and Bobby Valentine than taking a breath on Mars. It's comparable to smoking two packs of cigarettes each day.

The EPA could certainly let us know if the Boston team needs a new catalytic converter, or at least a new manager.

Some writers are now feeling woozy after experiencing the atmosphere described as toxic or poisonous. Others claim it is the smell of beer and chicken wings.

Clearly the Sox need a device that converts toxic chemicals into the harmony of a team not far from exhaustive tension.

The rash of players going on the Disabled List may be more attributed to the aroma of unhappy pitchers and yo-yo minor leaguers who are on a shuttle bus between Pawtucket and Boston.

We are not sure if a HEPA filter can clear the air. The ionized particles seem to be separating the hitters from the pitchers.

Others are not sure where the odious emissions are originating. Red Sox pollutants seem to have entered the walls of the clubhouse like Chinese drywall, a housing material that begins to stink after it becomes warm and humid.

June is busting out all over Boston, and the particulates are becoming dense and unstoppable.

If the Sox do not have a catalytic converter to help control the toxic fumes, we might wonder why the Red Sox administrators and front office are not tinkering with the engine that makes the team go-or sputter.

Maybe they just need a higher octane fuel.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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