Written by queen mudder
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Sunday, 10 June 2012

image for Cheryl Cole gets Prince Harry invite to royal box at Ascot
Harry pictured at last year's Royal Ascot 'austerity' box

Ascot - "Not a cricketing 'box', you twerps," Ascot Clerk of the Course Sir Partridge Popple chortled at reporters at a news conference today.

"As an ex-wife of a famous sportsman Ms Cole's bound to have come across a few groin guard cups in her time, heheh," Popple added, "but then haven't we all, chaps?"

The racecourse official's little joke prompted the usual volley of lascivious nudge-nudge wink-wink as tabloid hacks' imaginations ran riot.

"Do you think it's got his coat of arms on it?" was a popular reaction as a Sunday Smearer cartoonist scribbled a 'Honi Soit Qui Mal Penis'-crested pic of Prince Harry's trusty crotch protector, last seen at a Guards Club polo match.

The news conference then broke up amid reports that the former Girls Aloud singer had just been sighted trawling Sloane Street's famous haute couture boutiques for her Ladies Day outfit.

Approximately two hundred grand and two hours later Cheryl emerged laden down with goodies from the Versace shop.

"Eat yer heart out Chelsy Davey!" was her parting shot.

Ladies Day is on Thursday 21st June.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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