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Topics: Motor racing, NASCAR

Sunday, 27 May 2012

The Coca Cola 600 was under way this week with many automobiles--this reporter counted at least seven of them--driving at high speeds along a circular track.

For some reason a crowd of spectators gathered to watch the cars traveling in circles. This reporter counted 117 people in the crowd, although it was difficult to keep count as many of the people were moving. Official estimates put the number of attendees at closer to one hundred thousand. Again, only 117 could be confirmed.

The cars were driven by people. After the people drove in circles, they continued to drive around in more circles. Track officials listed the number of circles or "laps" driven as 200, although this reporter lost track after three. He then wandered off to find out what Skoal Bandit is.

Skoal Bandit, it turns out, is loose grains of tobacco wrapped up in a pouch, which is then placed between the lip and gum. People then suck the pouch and spit out the juice. People are not supposed to swallow the juice, as this reporter found out the hard way. It made him very sick and caused him to miss the end of the race. If you know who won the Coca Cola 600, please give him a call.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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