Written by Ossurworld
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Topics: Cher, Wes Welker

Thursday, 26 April 2012

According to former New England Patriot and company man, Willie McGinest, Wes Welker is behaving like Cher on steroids.
Yes, he actually called the lunch bucket player of choice a "diva."

Though we frequently confuse Isaac Newton with Isaac Walton, we never have thought of Wes Welker and diva in the same sentence.

We had to go scrambling to our lexicon for a retooling of the verbiage we usually apply to our satiric targets.

If we have not noticed that Wes is a diva, our eyesight may be failing and our brain may be verging on mush.

According to the expert sources, sports diva is a derogatory term applied to prima donnas.

The term came out of the gay lexicon where a man who behaves like Marie Antoinette could be accused of hyperbolic behavior, worthy of a queen.

We have frequently charged some of our favorite athletes with the notion that they resemble Norma Desmond on a bad night walking along Sunset Boulevard.

We wish we had a plug nickel for every occasion that Rajon Rondo or Jacoby Ellsbury has been called a "diva." Usually a diva is a favorite homeboy whom fans constantly want to trade.

No one has ever thought of trading Wes Welker because of his attitude. Indeed, he has been the left arm of Tom Brady (another whose fashion-plate faux pas could qualify as a diva).

Welker's sense of fashion only offends those on the list of Mr. Blackwell's Halloween costume line.

Tom, Jacoby and Rajon are peacocks in terms of ascot selection, but the patent leather cowboy boots of Wes Welker makes him look like the Okie from Muskogee.

If we must now add Wes Welker to our list of 'diva" candidates, we may well mix it with our list of Munchkins (where he is always in a dead heat with Danny Woodhead).

No, we must reject the proposal to call Wes Welker a diva and will not add him to our pantheon of pantywaists.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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