Written by radiogagger
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Wednesday, 22 February 2012

image for Mario Balotelli reveals lack of goal celebration v Porto in Europa League.
Balotelli plans to climb a tall building to celebrate his next goal

Wacky Italian footballer Mario Balotelli today stole the show at the press conference for the Man City v Porto Europa League second leg.

In a performance of Cantona-esque proportions he explained his refusal to celebrate the crucial goal in the first leg, which helped City win 2-1 in Portugal, setting them up nicely for the second leg (which the Mancs won 4-0 to cruise through 6-1 on aggregate)

"You see - I should not be here... Like my puppy friend Mr Tevez, I was born for the Champions League, not the Chumpions League on a Thursday night. On a Thursday night, I should be out on the town, throwing coins at homeless people, DJing with my honky friend Dr Tim Westwood, or driving my car very fastly through Moss Side with the stereo blaring"

As if that wasn't enough, he continued "The Europa League is beneath me. It is less than my job to score here. I feel insulted to have to touch the ball - I was planning on making every touch of the ball a back flick, but Roberto threatened me with the Tevez treatment"

Still not finished he blurted out "Plus i celebrate outside - like a delayed reaction... I let off fireworks from the bathroom window, maybe jump off a bridge, or pelt rush hour tram goers in Chorlton with tomato. This is all goal celebrations - but meeja - they do not understand. They print silly things about me. Why always me?"

A senior reporter on the Mancester Evening Newzz told the spoof "Yep - signs of Cantona alright. Not on the pitch yet, just the loopy statements at press conferences!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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