Written by Monkey Woods
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Monday, 20 February 2012

image for Kenny Dalglish Apologises For Earlier Apology
A reporter poking around Kenny's toilet

Liverpool manager Kenny Dalglish has said in a moving statement on the club's website that he regrets apologising for his after-match reaction in the Luis Suarez 'racial abuse' case, and now stands by his earlier statement when he claimed that he wasn't aware that the Uruguyan hadn't shaken the hand of Manchester United's Patrice Evra.

Suarez had racially abused Evra back in December, and the case has been rumbling on ever since, fuelled by media hype just like the crap you are reading now, under the pretext that racism sells papers.

Liverpool executives had thought that Suarez was going to apologise to Evra, and were surprised when he didn't, but Dalglish wasn't aware of this, and said so to a SKY News reporter after the game had ended.

The whole country groaned, and Dalglish issued an apology the next day. Now, however, the canny Scot is ashamed of himself, and has said that he wishes he had never said sorry about his comments. He claims:

"I am sorry that I said sorry. I shouldn't have done it. I didn't know what I didn't know, and that's that. I'm not sorry that I didn't see Luis Suarez not shake Patrice Evra's hand. It's just one of those things. That's football."

Dalglish later spoke to his wife and told her:

"I'm really sorry that I left the toilet seat up this morning, darling."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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