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Saturday, 11 February 2012

image for Football Association to introduce Centre of Excellence for Handshaking
'This is how we do it'

The English FA today announced a multi-million pound investment in a brand new centre of Handshaking as they admitted that English football has fallen behind the world in pre-match handshaking.

FA Director of fence sitting, Sir Trevor Fencing CBE OBE MBE KBE told the media today that the centre will take in young footballers and focus on handshaking techniques from as young as 9 years old. "In Brazil they're handshaking on the beach almost as soon as they can walk" said Mr Fooking.

The knight of the realm continued "We've all seen the failure in recent years of the handshake in the English game, it's replaced the exit on penalties and losing to the Germans in the national psyche.

The Centre of Excellence will be have two regional centres, one in West London and one in Manchester, two areas where pre-match handshaking is amongst the lowest in the country.

Spokesmen for John Terry, Anton Ferdinand, Luis Suarez, Patrice Evra and Wayne Bridge refused to offer any comment when asked today. Rio Ferdinand is expected to be tweeting later when he has finished knitting and eating a bar of chocolate.

Football fan David Mears, 39, a psychiatric nurse from Plaistow gave his feeling on the matter to Sly Sports News "This is mental"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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