Written by Jaggedone
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Monday, 30 January 2012

image for Joey Barton's uncle is a "Homo-sapien"!
Joey Barton, self proclaimed leader of the "Planet of the apes" , poor apes!

Pro soccer player, amateur sleuth, ex-con, the new "Mon Dieu" (Eric Cantona for non-soccer fans and people who have had their heads in the sands for the last decade) and super philosopher, Joey Barton, has admitted that his uncle is a "Homo-Sapien"! Thanks Joey for that sensational statement the world is all ears (especially The Sun readers)!

Joey is determined that all pro-soccer players in the UK "come out" and admit they are something, it doesn't matter what they are as long as they admit to it.

Joey has admitted not being a "Homo-Sapien" he prefers being compared rather to the human-beings nearest relative, baboons, who have a similar genetic build-up, but tend to have more brains.

He is an avid "Twit" who talks about his family, his status, his opinions about God and everything that moves in God's garden called Sodom and Gomorrah (not the other one, there was a woman there) and really does believe that when a rehabilitated, self-confessed ex-alcholic and ex-thug opens his mouth the whole world sits up and listens (as long as people read The Sun I suppose that's true!).

In fact he's been offered an Oxford University Doctor title in the subjects of deviant human behaviour and marketing; his own ego (in other words blowing his own pathetic trumpet)!

As long as there is a market for Joey and his garbage he will always remain a massive hit "TWIT"!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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