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Saturday, 7 January 2012

image for City Legend Mike Summerbee Banking On A 12-0 City Win
Bobby Zamora Playing For City At Wembley Against Sheffield Wednesday In 1969

Manchester City FC legend, Mike "Tra la la la" Summerbee is apparently confident that City will put a tidy dozen past local rivals, United, in Sunday's FA Cup 3rd Round battle of the giants.

And following City's 6-1 demolition of the Stretford via Clayton club, nobody seems prepared to argue with him.

Surrounded by legendary former City icons in a shed in his back garden in Lower Broughton, City legend, Summerbee told reporters that City were long overdue to give United a right good and proper mauling.

"This is long overdue, and we're going to give them a right good, proper mauling," he said. "I reckon we'll put twelve past 'em. No bother. If Balotelli can put his shirt on without getting his head stuck up one of the sleeves, we'll be quids in."

"Quids in...yes..." quipped former City favourite, Peter Barnes as he languidly sipped on a cup of Complan.

"Proper mauling...yes..." said Joe Corrigan.

Summerbee went on to deny that he is really an animatronic creation of Disney Studios, and insisted that he's for real.

"I'm for real," he said. "As is my old mate Denis Law, another City legend."

When asked where City legend Denis Law was, as he didn't appear to be present in Summerbee's shed, Summerbee replied:

"He's probably next door with Paddy Crerand and Harry Gregg. The bastard always was a red at heart. They're probably taking the piss as we speak."

"Taking the piss...yes...rag bastard..." grumbled former City winger Francis Lee, AKA Lee Won Pen. "I used to be known as the bog roll king, don't you know..."

"Bog roll...yes..." said Tony Book.

"And I once had a fight with Norman Hunter...yes..." Lee said.

"Did he bite your legs?" Summerbee asked.

"That was just a myth," Lee told Summerbee. "I think I was playing for Derby at the time. Yes...Derby...what a dump that is...I was going bald at the time you know..."

"Bald...yes..." said Tony Book. "Like the Best fellow. I was born in Bath you know. And I played for Plymouth Argyle...and I remember picking up a trophy...but it was a long time ago..."

"Yes," Summerbee said. "What's a trophy? Only it's been so long, I forget...Did you put the cat out?"

"Cat?" Francis Lee blurted. "They used to call Joe Corrigan 'The Cat' Or was that Peter Bonetti?"

"It wasn't me," Corrigan said. "They used to call me something beginning with a C and ending in a T but if memory serves, it wasn't Cat."

"Not Cat, no..." said Tony Book. "More like..."

At which point everybody dived for cover, as Paddy Crerand and Denis Law hurled plantpots at Mike Summerbee's shed, over the back fence.

"I reckon we'll get a dozen goals," Summerbee said from underneath the coffee table. "Easy."

"Easy, yes," said Tony Book. "What's a trophy?"

"It's a shiny silver thing," Summerbee said. "We won one last year."

"Did we?" Book said. "I don't remember that."

"Neither do I," admitted Joe Corrigan, as just about everything hurled at him went right past him. "Bit like the good old days this, isn't it?" he chuckled.

"The good old days...yes...that's right..."said Tony Book. "Did I say I once played for Plymouth Argyle? Or was it Portsmouth? Or Preston?"

"I've no idea," Summerbee said. "But I've got a fiver on City scoring twelve."

"You don't half have some noisy neighbours," Peter Barnes complained, as plantpots hurled by Best and Crerand whizzed overhead.

"Yes," said Tony Book. "Neighbours...I used to love Kylie and Jason Donovan. I fucking hated that Billy Bremner though..."

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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