Written by Skoob1999
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Sunday, 11 December 2011

image for Mourinho Goes Home And Kicks The Cat Up The Arse
Mes Que Un Club - Do What John!

Breaking news suggests that a Real Madrid source last night revealed to Barcelona coach Pep Guardiola, that Real boss Jose Mourinho went home after last night's match at the Bernabeu and kicked the family cat up the arse in frustration.

Mourinho's frustration centred on Real Madrid's 3-1 capitulation to European Champions, and bitterest rivals, Barcelona. Apparently Mourinho's frustration increased as the evening's dramatic events unfolded.

The match was a dream beginning for Mourinho, as Madrid scored in 22 seconds, when Real took advantage of a fluffed Victor Valdes clearance, as Mehmet Ozil steered the intercepted ball to Benzema, who lashed the ball into the net.

From there, it was all downhill for Real, as a seemingly uncertain Barca team asserted their authority on the match.

The alarm bells started ringing for the Madrid outfit as early as the sixth minute, when a Lionel Messi shot was brilliantly tipped around the post, by a fully stretched Iker Casillas.

Rather than operate as a striker, the fleet footed Argentinian opted instead to orchestrate the play from midfield, tormenting his opponents repeatedly as he waltzed through the men in white almost at will.

Whether this was Messi's decision, or a shrewd tactical move by Guardiola remains unclear, but it certainly paid off for the Catalans.

In the 29th minute, Messi ghosted through the Real midfield on a penetrating run, releasing Alexis Sanchez, who hammered the ball into the bottom left hand corner, to level the scores.

In the second half, a Xavi shot was deflected past Casillas on 52 minutes to make it 2-1 Barca.

For a brief moment, Mourinho's spirits were lifted as an uncharacteristically quiet Ronaldo rose in space to head the ball, but those spirits dropped faster than the temperature in a cryogenic tank as the ball fizzed harmlessly wide.

Mourinho's outrage increased minutes later, as Messi found Alvez in space, Alvez whipped the ball across the face of the goal, and Fabregas nodded it in for 3-1.

To make matters even worse, Barcelona could easily have added another three before the final whistle, but it was not to be, and the scoreline at the end read 3-1 Barcelona.

Some reports state that as Mourinho stormed from the dugout, he was punching himself violently in the face with both fists.

And then he went home and kicked the family cat up the arse.

Barcelona boss, Pep Guardiola, when informed of the rumours, smiled enigmatically, and told reporters that he didn't believe a single word of it.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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