Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 27 November 2011

image for The Detroit Lions' Ndamukong Suh Says He May Quit Football And Become A Pro Wrestler
The Green Bay Packers presented the victory game ball to Evan Dietrich-Smith. (Photo courtesy of Brett Favre).

DETROIT - The NFL football player who has been voted by his fellow NFL members as The Dirtiest Football Player In The NFL has said that he may be changing professions.

Ndamukong Suh [Pronounced: NUMB-SKULL-SHIT] was ejected from the Detroit Lions-Green Bay Packers game when he rammed the helmet of Packers right guard Evan Dietrich-Smith into the ground three times and then stepped on his arm in full view of millions of Thanksgiving Day viewers.

After the game Suh had the nerve to say that he did what he did because one of the Packers had said that he moved like Jagger.

Suh said he took that to mean that he was effeminate and so he took it out on the nearest, smallest Packer who was on the ground Dietrich-Smith.

The Lions defensive tackle later said that he had slipped after one of the referees had pushed him. He also said that one of the cheerleaders had said that he looked like Dancing With The Stars Judge Carrie Ann Inaba except that not with as much facial hair.

Lions Coach Jim Schwartz was asked by Sports Territory Magazine what he had said to Suh regarding the incident. He smiled and said that he took Suh aside and told him to please never do that again.

Later in the locker room Suh was told by Brisket that he had overheard a very close, inside, source say that he believed that NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell was thinking of fining Suh $500,000 and suspending him for the remainder of the season.

Suh exploded. He kicked over a water fountain. He knocked over a metal football holder that contained 27 footballs, and he angrily grabbed one of the Lions cheerleaders identified as Wispy Butterholtz, 21, and he shoved her into one of the lockers - number 19.

Suh then yelled out that he was so disgusted with the way that he was being mistreated that he was seriously thinking about quitting football and becoming a professional wrestler.

After Suh stepped into the showers tight end Brandon Pettigrew tip-toed over to locker number 19 and opened the door letting the Lions cheerleader out of the locker.

Miss Butterholtz stormed into Coach Schwartz' office and told him that she was going to be contacting an attorney and she was planning on suing Ndamukong Suh, the Detroit Lions organization, the makers of Gatorade, and him for millions.

SIDENOTE: Tittle Tattle Tonight reported that Naomi Campbell, who is known as "The Queen of Mean" called up Ndamukong Suh and told him that she would like to go out to dinner with him sometime.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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