Written by Skoob1999
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Friday, 11 November 2011

image for Gary Neville 'Not Coping Well' With Revelation That He's Really A Scouser
Gary Neville - Today - Not Laughing

Former Manchester United and England full back, Gary Neville, is apparently having a hard time dealing with the revelation by chubby TV presenter James Corden, that his great great great grandparents, or somebody, were actually born in Liverpool.

On the TV show, A League Of Their Own, Neville, sitting next to former Scouse Spice Boy, Jamie Redknapp, and close by Scouse 'funnyman,' John Bishop, greeted the revelation with a loud yell of: "Oh fuck!" and upon being presented with a Liverpool shirt with his name and number printed on the back, promptly threw it at Freddie Flintoff.

Friends of the former defender, and current TV pundit, state that Gary isn't handling the news very well, and that he has been suffering from panic attacks, night terrors, and getting up in the middle of the night, sneaking down the stairs of his eco-friendly Cheshire mansion, and secretly drinking gallons of R White's lemonade out of his big American fridge.

It's all a pretty ironic turn of events really, as Gary Neville has always publicly stated that he hates everything about Liverpool, and its people, in line with Sir Alex Ferguson's pledge to knock Liverpool Football Club 'off their fucking perch.'

"Gary's having real problems with this," an associate told reporters. "And I'll never forgive that lardy arsed Lesbian Sex Vampires so-called actor for letting this out of the bag. The fat twat. It's worse than calling him a paedophile, or a crap back passer. I just hope Gary can get through this."

Lifelong Manchester United fan, Donald Skoob, a shit-house cleaner at Salford University was a little less pessimistic, saying:

"It's all bollocks is that. How many great great great grandparents does he have? That doesn't make him a Scouser. He'll always be United red in my eyes. Excuse me - I'm so angry that I must screw up a copy of The Sun and throw it forcibly into the bin."

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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