Written by Rebel Not Taken
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Friday, 11 November 2011

image for Neil Warnock's teeth
Colin's new gnashers.

QPR fans are chewing over the formation of their manager's new teeth.

"Sir Neil's Hampsteads don't seem to fit, he looks like Dick Emery's vicar" proclaimed lifelong QPR fan Ginger Vitis, a dental hygienist from East Acton.

Warnock guided his workmanlike teeth to promotion from the Championship last year by sticking to the Stonehenge Formation, with one big gnasher up front acting as a target tooth. But he admits he had to splash the cash during the transfer window to reinforce his mouth.

"I just felt that my railings needed strengthening if they were to survive in the Premiership, and i am delighted that the new owners have given me the financial backing to achieve this", said the QPR manager.

"I never thought I would have another opportunity to grind my teeth at grounds like Liverpool and Arsenal, and they are all determined to survive the season" added Warnock.

But not all QPR fans are happy with Warnock's new Bexley Heath.

"A man of his age should have A3 for canines, rather than A2. It looks like he has cut out a pair of Penelope Keith from Hello magazine and stuck them on to the original pegs" said Stan Molar a dental receptionist from Ruislip.

Now that the QPR manager has a full squad of 25 teeth, he has agreed to send his old Hampsteads out on a months loan to Doncaster.

"I want to keep my old railings sharp, and if the new teeth don't cut it, i can get my old dentures back at 24 hours notice and put them up front alongside my new bridge to provide a bit of extra bite" said Warnock.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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