Written by The Incredible Sulk
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Saturday, 22 October 2011

On the eve of the Rugby World Cup final there have been calls for the sport to attempt to embrace a wider audience by introducing a more entertaining aspect to matches. That fact that these calls have come solely from Strictly Come Dancing judge Bruno Tonioli seems to put some measure of doubt into this coming into fruition, but on this quiet news day it seemed worth noting.

Following the New Zealand versus Australia Semi-Final, Bruno commented,'Did you see the black team do the little dance? I mean, they're big guys, but they was all in time and in great formation and everything. Busby Berkeley would have been proud'.

He continued, 'I only watch the sport to see thirty burly men fight over a funny shaped balls. I don't actually know what is going on, so I feel that the whole proceedings could do with a bit of pizzazz. You know? The Kiwis have their little pre-match dance, so what if the Scots could do a Highland fling, the English some Morris dancing, the Irish a Riverdance. Tonga a Conga. And the Poles can just go over to the European teams side and take over all their positions.'

When asked if his home nation of Italy should incorporate some dance, he replied, 'We should probably focus on not being so rubbish at it.'

Confronted with this suggestion, head of the World Rugby Federation, Bill Rugby, hollered; 'I'll make sure that screaming whoopsy doesn't get his hands on this game if it's the last thing I do.'

As he died suddenly of a coronary moments later, it seems that clutching his chest and whimpering in excruciating pain was, in fact, the last thing he would do.

R.I.P Bill Rugby and, for his memory's sake, let's hope the French don't bow to a stereotyped behaviour and give up just as the game gets going.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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