NEW YORK-Commissioner David Stern announced today that midgets will be used as replacements during the NBA lockout.
"They(the players and owners) are a bunch of idiots, and I wanna see some basketball, dammit!", said the drunken commissioner as he stumbled out of a bar in New York City early Sunday afternoon.
Players and owners are scheduled to meet with federal mediators on Tuesday, followed by two days of open board meetings. Stern, 69, said he refuses to wait on the negotiations to be complete.
"Besides, those little guys are hilarious!", added Stern with a chuckle.
Derek Fisher, president of the NBA players union, refused to openly comment on the accusations, but sources say he is very upset.
There is no word on where the commissioner intends on recruiting the midgets from, but several unemployed dwarf actors have voluntarily thrown their hat into the ring.
"I would be very HAPPY and excited to get a chance to play in the NBA!", said one Dwarf.
As of now, there is no word when the first game with the replacements will occur, but Stern says it will be in the near future if negotiations are not met.