Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 27 September 2011

image for Dan Bailey and The Dallas Cowboys Defeat The Washington Redskins 18-16 On The Rookie's Amazing Six Field Goal Performance
Dallas owner Jerry Jones has exempted the Cowboy cheerleaders from having to pay the $200 donation.

DALLAS - Well it's a good thing that the Dallas Cowboys have someone who knows how to kick field goals because Tony Romo, and the Cowboy receivers and running backs apparently should have Googled Map Quest to find out exactly where the end zone was located.

Rookie kicker Dan Bailey managed to kick six Cowboy field goals as the Cowboys defeated the Washington Redskins 18-16 to increase their record to (2-1), in what Tango Brisket of Sports Territory Magazine called A Dan Bailey Field Goal Kicking Exhibition Clinic.

Even one of the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders Moxie Sue Viewheimer, 19, of Galveston, was overheard asking one of the ball boys if the object of the game wasn't to try and score touchdowns by crossing the goal line.

The ball boy replied that it certainly is and asked the cheerleader for her phone number so that he can show her first hand what a 'touchdown' really looks like up close.

Many of the die hard Cowboy fans in the stands could be heard yelling out that if they wanted to see a damn soccer match they would have gone to a damn soccer match.

Meanwhile, team owner Jerry Jones met with the team after the game and he personally presented the game ball to number 5, Dan Bailey.

He told the assembled players, coaches, and cheerleaders in the locker room that since Danny boy was the only Cowboy player that had scored that he wanted each player to donate $200 to the rookie kicker.

Tony Romo asked, "Even me Mr. Jones sir?"

"No Tony," came the reply. "I want you to make a $1,000 donation to Danny."

Tony turned to Bailey and asked him if he'd take a check?

Danny grinned and replied that he works on a cash only basis.

Everyone laughed except for the players who started grumbling and one second string lineman said that it was not right for Mr. Jerry to make them have to pay money out of their own pocket since the victory was basically a team effort.

Jones overheard the player's remark and he went up to him and asked him if he could speak Spanish. The African-American player replied, "Nosa, I cain't speak no Spanish, why duzz ya ax?"

And Jones with a big old grin on his face replied that he would be willing to meet with him or with any player who did not like his $200 donation policy and see about getting the player's complaining ass traded off to some football team down in Central America where the temperature is 110 degrees and the players on the bench have to fight off lamb-sized iguanas.

Jones later met with his star kicker Dan Bailey and handed him an attaché case with $10,400 in cash. He told him that he will also be providing him with the use of an armored truck and two guards for him to ride around in all week whenever he needs to go somewhere.

The Cowboys owner told him that he wants him to be very careful because it looks like his foot may be what gets the Cowboys into the playoffs.

In a related story. One of the Cowboy cheerleaders identified as Sharleen "Peaches" Honeycutt, 21, of Nacogdoches, Texas asked Mr. Jones if the cheerleaders were going to have to each pay Bailey $200. He smiled and told Miss Honeycutt that he would be waving the $200 cheerleader donation and that he really and truly hoped that the cute, little, perky darlings would appreciate his most generous gesture [WINK-WINK].

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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