Written by Rebel Not Taken
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Friday, 16 September 2011

image for Fulham charge QPR fans £500 to see Michael Jackson statue
a monkey to see a football game!

Fulham are being investigated by the FA after charging away fans £500 for a Cottaging Package at the game against their West London rivals QPR.

The Limited Edition Event includes being shown Tommy Trinder's false teeth, full access to the Glory Hole in the Cottage toilets, and the opportunity to have their photograph taken with the statue of Michael Jackson that has been erected inside the ground.

The statue of Wacko Jacko, which cost £10 million, previously played for Harrods and became Fulham's most expensive signing in 2009. "Michael Jackson is probably Fulham's best passer of Brylcreem since Johnny Haynes" claimed celebrity fan 'Diddy' Dave Hamilton.

Fulham boss Mohammed Al Fayed has argued that the ticket price is not BAD since the match promises to be a THRILLER: "If those gippos from Shepherd's Bush don't like it they can BEAT IT" said Al Fayed.

Purchasers of the Cottaging Package will also have the opportunity to win afternoon tea with celebrity fan Hugh Grant, if they are lucky in the half time raffle. "We think £500 represents very good value for this kind of match day experience" said PR spokesperson Rupert Complete-Nonce.

But QPR supporters are less than impressed with the Cottaging Package and are planning to protest with a Moonwalk goal celebration every time their team score.

Lifelong Hoops fan Billy Pikey from Shepherd's Bush, who is also Opera Critic for The Guardian, has written in his column: "Those gimps at the Cottage are not making a monkey out of me."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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