Copper Penis Bracelet Improves Erections For Randy Drunk Students

Scientists have discovered that a thin band of copper around the penis does wonders for male erections. After exhaustive trials involving hundreds of volunteer women and three professors, there is now no doubt that a copper penis bracelet is a very effective tool.

"It worked for me", declared Otto Drangle, Emeritus Professor of Interesting Ideas at Oxbridge.

"I slipped it on in a dark corner of our laboratory. Then three naked ladies came out from behind a hidden screen. No doubt about it. The copper bracelet instantly did the trick", he explained.

Another professor, from the metallurgy faculty, told how the copper penis bracelet had exactly the reverse affect to the same sort of thing oldies wear around their wrist to cure arthritis.

"The penis and the wrist are all part of the human body", revealed Prof Jock Atkins. They're a long way away from one another but often come together for acts of masturbation and the like. Does that answer your question"?

A third professor, Dr Horst Lutz, who has an extremely versatile penis, put on a small size bracelet but couldn't get it off after he was approached by a pair of sensationally well-endowed naked physics undergraduates earning extra pocket money. He was later admitted to a male surgical ward awaiting a minor procedure to have it removed. The bracelet that is, not his penis.

The manufacturer of the copper penis bracelet, Max Stiffard, claims that it carries a five year guarantee to produce stronger erections in men, spectacular orgasms amongst their wives or lady friends and will also ring the dreaded floppy death knell on once popular Viagra.

Stiffard, a one time gynaecologist now a respectable London pop entrepreneur, insists that his bracelets instantly convert a soft penis into a plank of rock hard granite thus making such horror problems as erectile dysfunction a relic of a bygone age.

"It's particularly effective for the busy university student", explained Stiffard. "Any young gentleman with a well developed mind will understand that a product that will enable him to do the business after a massive amount of beer and recreational drugs is a must accessory for the modern-day academic wannabe".

"As a bonus", declared Stiffard - "If one removed ones copper bracelet and put it on the other way round, it would quickly tranquillize any unwanted erection activity which might otherwise cause one social embarrassment should one be about to be introduced to an important dignitary such as Her Majesty The Queen".

On sale soon in all good supermarkets (£14.99)

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