Ketchup Discovered to Have Strong Antimicrobial Properties

When drippings from a laboratory technician's French Fries totally expunged the contents of 317 Petri dishes, scientists learned that ketchup is as, if not more, effective than many currently used antibiotics.

This finding sent pharmaceutical company executives into a tailspin, and antimicrobial research at many pharmaceutical companies ground to a halt.

"If it turns out a person can just smear ketchup on a wound instead of taking oral antibiotics, then we need to focus our energies on other areas of research and development," commented one CEO. He did not rule out the idea of a colorless, dripless ketchup, and several companies are said to be in discussion with Heinz and Del Monte.

"Man, I was just so tired," the lab tech explained. "I'm trying to get my doctorate in 19-th century Hungarian literature, so I'm moonlighting as a lab tech and eating on the run. The stuff just dripped down. Who knew?"

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