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Daniel Bristol
Daniel Bristol
Joined: 14 May 2004
Stories Written: 6
09 February 2010

Science & Technology

Funny story:  Apple iPad Attacks Amazon Kindle2, Chaos Erupts

Apple iPad Attacks Amazon Kindle2, Chaos Erupts

A San Francisco parking lot was the scene of the altercation yesterday. Onlookers agreed that the iPad had started the fight. The Kindle2 was walking along, minding its own business, when the iPad struck. "It was an attack, pure and simple," a...
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Apple blanket trademark

Apple have announced that they have taken out a blanket trademark on any technology product beginning with a lower case 'i'. With the launch of the iPad that links seamlessly with an iPod, they have started to make use of that trademark. An Apple...
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Funny story:  Feminists Outraged When Haldron Collider (CERN) Exposed As Massive Penis Enhancement Project!

Feminists Outraged When Haldron Collider (CERN) Exposed As Massive Penis Enhancement Project!

Feminists from around the globe protested in front of the gates leading to the massive Haldron Collider today. Police set up barricades and kept order, as thousands of irate women shouted obscenities and lifted placards in protest. The altercation...
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Scientist's Reveal A Recent Colonoscopy Has Located The Center Of The Known Universe

British researchers have made a startling discovery after a rountine colonoscopy of a 40 year old British man revealed what's known as in layman's terms as....the Center of the Known Universe! The Theta Victa Gamma Globo has eluded physicists for...
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Funny story:  Live Longer but Life's a Bitch then you die

Live Longer but Life's a Bitch then you die

Research has shown that the chance of you living to 100 or more is 10000-1. Even in families where there is a history of living longer you still have to avoid accidents and disease which is harder to fight off the older you get. Scientist Ian You...
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Funny story:  Obama cancels Moon project as 'it's ridiculous and scientifically impossible'

Obama cancels Moon project as 'it's ridiculous and scientifically impossible'

US President Barack Obama today cancelled the waste of time project to send humans to the Moon for the first time, as 'it's ridiculous and scientifically impossible'. In 1969 a ridiculous fake Moon landing was acted out by ham actors and obvious manu...
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Funny story:  NASA going to A moon not THE Moon

NASA going to A moon not THE Moon

In the wake of the news of budget cuts to NASA from the current administration in the USA, NASA has announced that it can no longer afford to go to the moon, the large white ball sitting a quarter of a million miles away. Instead, they'd prefer to...
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Funny story:  "Miaows"  Beat "Woofs" In Cat Owner v Dog Owner Exams

"Miaows" Beat "Woofs" In Cat Owner v Dog Owner Exams

What does HRH The Queen have in common with Paris Hilton, George Michael and the Obama family? Answer - she's a dog owner and therefore nowhere near as clever as any person who keeps a pussy cat. Only the highly educated keep a cat. People like...
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Funny story:  Gore Denies North East Winter Storms

Gore Denies North East Winter Storms

Former presidential candidate and environmental super hero Al Gore issued a statement via press release from the Alliance for Climate Protection, stating he was disappointed and ashamed that the American people have been fooled into believing there h...
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Funny story:  Anger as Iran launches rocket into space

Anger as Iran launches rocket into space

Iran today launched a rocket into space carrying a dozen worms a rat and two turtles. President Ahmadinejad has now stated that they will soon be sending a manned rocket into space and this has clearly worried America. Forget weapons of mass dest...
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Funny story:  Scientist astonished when he receives a pair of Jeans in the post

Scientist astonished when he receives a pair of Jeans in the post

Scientist David Smith who has been researching in to what makes people age was astonished when he received a pair of Jeans in the post with a note from Irishman John Murphy asking could he examine his Jeans. David explained that scientists have no...
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Funny story:  CRU Reports Arctic Warming Spike

CRU Reports Arctic Warming Spike

CLIMATE SCIENTISTS stationed at remote outposts in Western Canada and in Norway are reporting "dangerous and consistent daytime warming" in the range of 8 to 10 degrees higher than normal announced Professor Cretino Grasso, Director of the CRU (Clima...
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  • View 'The Little Grey Men and the primitive earthlings'
    The Little Grey Men and the primitive earthlings
    Richard Johnson is no ordinary earthling he claims to have been abducted hundreds of times by little grey men around 3-4 feet tall who have large opaque creepy looking eyes. Richard claims that on his last abduction last Friday he was on a table b...
  • View 'Al Gore Gets Liposuction. Excess Fat Made Into Bio Diesel Fuel.'
    Al Gore Gets Liposuction. Excess Fat Made Into Bio Diesel Fuel.
    Al Gore, the man the US constantly has to make excuses for, recently announced he underwent a surgical procedure for purely cosmetic reason. The procedure called 'liposuction' drained a 20 year accumulation of donut fat from the ex-vice president's f...
  • View 'Scientists Discover Medical Link to SIDS -- Not the Demon Lilith'
    Scientists Discover Medical Link to SIDS -- Not the Demon Lilith
    After two decades of work, doctors and medical researchers in the United States believe they have evidence that abnormally low levels of serotonin -- a chemical in the brain that helps control breathing during sleep -- plays a pivotal role in causing...
  • View 'Shakespeare in New York Takes a Turn towards Technology'
    Shakespeare in New York Takes a Turn towards Technology
    Planning a joint venture with New York's Lincoln Center, London's Royal Shakespeare Company has announced a three month series of performances, where the famous bard's words will be delivered via text messages instead of voice. The actors will s...
  • View 'Hubble Telescope Discovers Missing Socks'
    Hubble Telescope Discovers Missing Socks
    Last May astronauts gave the Hubble Space Telescope an overhaul that many believe will allow the space observatory new life and tools to probe deeper into the origins of our universe by installing a new camera spectrograph watzit and finagling the th...
  • View 'NASA Photos Show Pluto Looking Reddish and Very Bright'
    NASA Photos Show Pluto Looking Reddish and Very Bright
    At first this was attributed to just plain old embarrassment. After all, Pluto was demoted in 2006, being told that he was just a "dwarf planet." Pluto's still blushing about that one. But further investigation by scientists has revealed the real ca...
  • View 'Facebook murderer caught'
    Facebook murderer caught
    Joseph Tremolo was found guilty today of murdering classmate and friend Kevin Lynch. The case has made legal history, being the first to be entirely conducted using popular social networking site, Facebook. Police were alerted to the possibility o...
  • View 'Incompetent Surgeon Botched Penis Enhancement Procedure'
    Incompetent Surgeon Botched Penis Enhancement Procedure
    Disgraced cosmetic surgeon Jaffari Al Jiggyjig faced a second day of questioning by the Greedy Medical Council over allegations that he ruined a patient's sex life when he allegedly botched a penis enhancement procedure on a man known as 'Patient X'...
  • View 'Scientists Fed up with Faking Global Warming'
    Scientists Fed up with Faking Global Warming
    Scientists are fed up with Faking Global Warming to the extent some of them are writing anonymously to news groups that will listen to see if the message will get through. There has recently been a report about a scientist who claims he was thinki...
  • View 'Packing error sends Viagra in place of vitamins to the International Space Station'
    Packing error sends Viagra in place of vitamins to the International Space Station
    A thousand of doses of the popular male sex enhancement drug Viagra was sent to unsuspecting astronauts circling the Earth in the International Space Station. "The packaging was mistaken for vitamins," claims a NASA spokesman. "We deeply regret th...