SuBo Fans Hire Swedish Olympian Ivana Phuque To Help Susan Boyle With Her Image

Fans of SuBo (Susan Boyle) have hired the Swedish Olympian who captured the hearts of the world at the Vancouver Winter Games to help with the Image of their hero. While Boyle is recognized for being basically frumpy looking (to put it nicely), Ivana Phuque is the current sex symbol of the world.

When asked about the job and how she planned to accomplish it, Ivana Phuque said that "my father runs an equine and bovine insemination service here in Sweden, so I grew up dealing with the problems of reproduction in women who look like SuBo. I think that my background and my connections, however, can at least move her up the evolutionary scale from going extinct to possibly do-able by a blind man."

SuBo fans were happy at the decision by Ivana Phuque to take their offer. Said one fan club President from Lancaster, "It's been kind of an embarrassment for us that even Mick Jagger and Keith Richards are considered better looking than our Susan. With this international sex symbol on the job and in charge of the make-over, there's no way we can lose."

Ivana Phuque did have one question for the fans paying her fee: "This isn't prostitution money, is it? I mean, I don't have to do her, do I? I'll do girls too, if they look good, but I've never been into animals myself."

On a related note, Genetics researchers have concluded that if Susan Boyle were to reproduce with one of the cavemen from the Gieco Insurance Company commercials, we may finally discover the missing link.