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Daniel Bristol
Daniel Bristol
Joined: 14 May 2004
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'New Moon' Removed from North American Theatres

Written by Sotiriico
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Sunday, 29 November 2009

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Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner on the set of 'New Moon' (2009)

There is no doubt at all that the "Twilight Saga: New Moon" movie is big. Even bigger than the Jonas Brothers' penises... Combined! And because of the incredible success of 'New Moon' globally, some North American theatres decided to remove the film from their screens because of the amassing numbers of perverts and fans who are going to see it.

As of November 30, 2009, 'New Moon' won't be available anymore in most cities in the US and Canada. Australia and the United Kingdom are likely to follow. According to the Hollywood Reporta, the employees cannot take the movie's success anymore.

Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart stated they were "shocked" and "did not understand the world's cruelty".

Taylor Lautner explained his "disgust towards cinema holders and critics for not giving him a chance to prove he can act and for cancelling 'New Moon' sessions all around the States and Caynada".

Director Chris Weitz and 'Twilight' book series author Stephenie Meyer have yet to comment.
You guessed it, fans are going crazy! Some have even threatened to suicide. Ootch!

In contrast, other movies currently showing will be better promoted. Highlight is on "Cheaper by The Dozen 3" (starring Steve Martin's son, Bonnie Hunt's magus, Tom Welling and Hilary Duff), "Blackout" (starring Shantel VanSanten and Miguel Karam), "Hot Like Me" (starring Catherine McPhee and Rumer Willis) and the high-profile "Space 2.2" (starring John Travolta, Vin Diesel, Michelle Yeoh, Bradley Cooper and Melanie Thierry).

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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