Jane Fonda says Sex is better than ever at 71 - Wheelchair-bound Geriacrobatic Superstar Announces new Aerobic Karma Sutra for Elderly and Disabled.

Best known for the roles of futuristic temptress Barbarella and leather-clad hooker in Klute, Superstar Jane Fonda doesn't let her wheelchair get in the way of her sexual geriacrobatics.

She is currently in a wheelchair because she says she is "rebuilding her body from the inside out".

But Jane who has one glass eye, nylon hair, a teflon knee, reconstructed PVC genital labia, a drawstring hymen, a titanium hip and dental implants, denied through her PA that she is currently out of action because of an accident sustained whilst experimenting with the positions demonstrated in her video. She also denied that the fire service had to be called to extricate her and her partner from a tangle of metal and also refuted allegations that she had to visit the emergency room at Mt. Sinai Hospital to have a handle removed from an intimate place.

Her PA also said that the new video, aimed at the sexually-active elderly and the disabled, will contain such positions as the 'orgasmic wheeley' and 'you can't stop me now I've lubed the brakes'.

Some other positions evoke more theatrical situations as would be expected, particularly the Shakespearian, 'Is this a pecker I see before me' and 'desdemoaning'. She of course was famed in her younger dys for the part of Fellatio in Titus Andronicus and also her masterful performance on Three Gentlemen of Verona.


Film Companies are queueing in the San Fernando valley to sign Jane up for films in the geriatic sex niche market such as "Olderella", "The Gums of Navarone" and "Get your geriatrocks off granma", "Sitting on Golden Pond" and "Tight as Andronicus". However, they might be disappointed because Jane's Beverley Hills Gerontologist told us as he pushed her down to the park for her afternoon airing:

"It's a sad sad case. When you get older the frontal lobes are the first to go. Self-inhibitory behaviour suffers as a result. You must have seen it at family birthdays and other celebrations. The Grannies and Great Aunts always get up to dance and end up showing everyone their underwear and making lewd suggestions to the male guests.

Jane for instance, she doesn't realise that the damp patch on her jeans isn't due to her being horny but to incontinence and she isn't slavering for sex, she's just simply dribbling. In some ways she's in denial, in others it's the inevitable sad outcome of ageing. If she were an animal we wouldn't let things go so far; they shoot horses don't they?"

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