Jessica Alba Succumbs To Nude Photo Sting

Ritz Hotel: London: The Goddess has been immortalised on celluloid! Hallelujah! Jessica Alba, The World's Sexiest woman who claimed she'd never strip has fallen from her pedestal of purity and been snapped full-frontal and completely naked.

Sensational Jessica has fallen prey to Luigi Fanchini the World's Greatest paparazzi con-artist. The man who gave us nude photos of Cheryl Cole, Katherine Jenkins and Kate Millington has once again papped where no man's peeped before and returned to tell the tale. How did he do it?

Introducing Fanchini and his prize portfolio to the world's press, top impresario Max Stiffard began by saying a few words about Jessica Alba.

"Amongst the world's premier litter of drop-dead gorgeous pussy cats, Jessica has remained the reluctant sex kitten", declared Stiffard. She's always insisted on a strict no-nudity clause in all her contracts. Time and again she's told the press "Don't ask me again - I don't do nudity".

"Those days are over", declared Stiffard as he brandished the portfolio. "Thanks to this great man seated beside me, anyone will soon be able to enjoy feasting his eyes on these photographs and the voluptuous secrets that lie beneath the covers of Miss Jessica Alba".

The room broke into spontaneous applause as Fanchini, in his trademark black leather jacket and dark sunglasses stood up to take a bow.

Stiffard began again. "I will now reveal how Luigi accomplished his latest mission".

"People in the film industry have known since time began that Jessica Alba has been desperate to land a truly major role in a film masterpiece. She wants to be taken seriously as an actress. And she wants to be remembered. She wants to be the new Julie Christie, admired for her great talent as an actress rather than her sumptuous breasts", he outlined.

"So one day recently, she received a message. The eminent Russian film director Igor Eizenovsky wanted to see her for his new epic Dr Zhymbago.

"Here was a once in a lifetime opportunity for Alba to be immortalised in Eizenovsky's upcoming film of the great four-volume novel by Boris Pasmurnak.

He was considering her to play Laga, the beautiful orphan of a famous but unknown father. Set during the 1917 Revolution, she was to fall prey to Comrade Colonel Ivan Dzernovich, flee from Trotskyite rebel Vladimir Volshinski but eventually discover true love with the dashing Dr Zhymbago".

"Jessica caught an immediate plane from Los Angeles to Rome and thence direct to St Petersburg by private jet where a Zil limousine was waiting on the tarmac to whisk her fifty miles inland to a magnificent dacha set amongst a picturesque birch forest".

"After the nuns had bathed her in exotic oils and dressed her in a silver Hermes gown that fitted like a glove, Jessica was adorned in emeralds and led down to dine with the great Eizenovsky".

"There was one other guest. Dressed in a full burkha was the 62 year old immortal Iranian film-camerawoman Fatemeh Hussein. Jessica was immediately captivated by two of the most bewitchingly beautiful eyes she had ever seen. They were the eyes of 38 year old Luigi Fanchini".

"Eizenovsky rose to greet Miss Alba. A gentle man with a long white beard a kindly face and a gold-capped walking stick, he immediately reminded her of a cross between Father Christmas and Moses".

"He was in fact actor Helmut Scholl, 82 year old veteran star of the World famous Berliner Ensemble and protégée of the great Bertholt Brecht".

"Eizenovsky kissed Miss Alba's hand and led her to her place at the table, explaining that Fatemeh Hussein spoke no Russian nor English but would be observing her closely, seeking inspiration of how to make her beautiful features even more alluring on film".

"A banquet was served".

"During the banquet the great Eizenovsky explained to Jessica Alba that he never permitted nudity in any of his films".

"She was genuinely delighted and flabbergasted. During her journey to Russia she had convinced herself that, if offered the role, she would have to film nude scenes or turn it down".

"She had decided that if the part was so stunningly good, she would agree to do a small amount of nude scenes - but naturally using a 'double'.

"Now she genuinely loved and trusted Eizenovsky. Although she'd never heard of him, she considered he truly must be the greatest director in the entire world.".

"So when he mentioned that Fatemeh Hussein would like to do a close study of her entire body in order to discover her best camera angles, she readily agreed".

"These are the intricate details that differentiate the great artists from the riff-raff she'd previously worked with in Hollywood".

"Consequently, after brandy and coffee, Igor Eizenovsky bade the two women good night and retired to his bed".

At which point Fatemeh Hussein and Jessica Alba went into a private 'ladies only' suite, locked the door and set about a four hour session of completely nude photography the like of which will blow the mind out of every red-blooded gentleman on the planet", concluded Max Stiffard.

The room burst into an impromptu round of colossal applause.

"So let us begin", shouted out Max Stiffard. "There are 100 photographs in the portfolio. Each one a naked masterpiece of Jessica Alba. Shall we start £1.3million each and go upwards".

I left my usual £4.99 in a sealed envelope and left. I shall post nude photographs of Jessica the moment they arrive and meanwhile will keep you informed of her reaction when she learns the true story of her exciting trip to St Petersburg.

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