David Beckham's Gentleman Penis Meets Waity Katie's Sobbing Vagina And Stops For Lunch

London: Goldenballs Beckham has been so busy training with his LA soccer club that he's granted his penis a week off and allowed it to fly over to London for a short holiday.

"It'll do him good", said the kindly soccer genius. "There's nothing much going on this end so it'll be a good opportunity for him to see the sights and take a look around the condom shops".

Beckham's penis arrived yesterday at Heathrow on a private jet, picked up a Piccadilly Line train to Knightsbridge and checked into the penthouse suite at Brown's where it remembered having stayed before with Victoria and the family.

"Yes, I can confirm we have Mr Beckham's penis staying with us", the uniformed concierge told reporters today. "However, this is a private trip", he explained. "The penis will not be granting interviews and it asks the media to respect its privacy".

This morning, after a hearty poached egg and kipper, the penis went out for a stroll in London's autumn sunshine.

It did Harrods and Harvey Nichols and was wandering down Sloane Street thinking about lunch when who should it bump into but Kate Middleton's vagina.

Well, you can imagine can't you. The two hadn't seen one another for ages so it was all very touchy-feely and soon drew a massive throng of paparazzi. They must have thought Christmas had come early as they flashed away whilst the two private parts said hello to one another in the traditional way.

Afterwards, Beckham's penis noticed that Waity Katies vagina was sobbing uncontrollably. So he wiped her lips and took her along to "One-O-One" - Victoria's favourite and the finest fish shop in town.

"What's the matter then"? Asked Beckham's penis after they'd both ordered lobster and a bottle of Krug.

"William's abandoned me", sobbed the sad vagina. "He said he was going to go to New Zealand as a favour to his mummy. So I packed all my cases and went off for a wax. When I came back he told me that I wasn't invited", she wailed.

"That lad doesn't deserve you", said David's handsome penis. "Look. No, don't take my word for it. Look into that crystal mirror on the wall. What do you see"?

"A poor, sad, ugly, heartbroken vagina", she sniffed.

Beckham's penis left its chair and went round the table to console her. They both looked into the mirror at their joint reflection.

"You are about the loveliest fanny in the world", said the penis softly. "Take it from me darling, I've met many fannies in my time and you are certainly right up there amongst the sweetest fannies I've ever come across".

The vagina wiped her lips and replied in a voice cracked with emotion.

"You called me darling", she purred. "Nobody's ever called me that before. William never calls me anything except Middle-Model or occasionally Lumpy-Bum when he's in a good mood".

They looked closely at one another and sipped their Krug.

"Let's go", said the penis.

Back at the hotel the phone rang. The bleary-eyed penis pulled down the cotton duvet and answered.

"David", he replied. "Hi. Yes. Fabulous. Having a fabulous time. Yes. Speak up I can't hear you. No. Of course it is. No, it's very sunny here. Yes, I'm eating well and looking after myself".

The duvet stirred and Kate's vagina appeared.

"Who is it", she whispered loudly.

"That's Kate's vagina", said the penis. "Waity Katy - Surely you remember Kate Middleton. Yes, the gorgeous one with the smile to die for".

"David sends his love", said the penis to the vagina.


More news as it comes..

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