Jordan's Vagina Turns Up In Lost Property

Rampant self-promotion expert Katie Price has recovered her lost vagina from a British Railway Lost Property Office.

The well-travelled vagina had been reported missing several days earlier from a dark alley outside changing rooms of a gay nightclub in Biggleswade.

Miss Price was apparently discussing current affairs with a group of transsexuals when the vagina disappeared from her jock-strap which had mistakenly been left ajar.

The loss of the vagina was subsequently reported to local police whereupon a full description was furnished by Miss Price plus a crowd of 60 blokes who all claimed to know it intimately.

Identikit pictures of the lost vagina were posted up all over Southern England and teams of volunteers combed woodlands in The New Forest. Sniffer dogs were brought in from police forces as far distant as Cornwall and the Outer Hebrides, each supplied with a sample of scent from Jordan's knickers.

But although the dogs unearthed hundreds of lost penises, there was alas no sign of the missing vagina. However, the lost penises were successfully returned to their owners.

Then, at last, the vagina showed up at Biggleswade Railway Station. It was wrapped in a brown paper bag. Certain other evidence pointed to it having been well cared for.

It was brought in by a little old lady who found it on top of a hedge and, like a good citizen, took the trouble of having it returned to its rightful owner. She brought it straight into the Station and said: "Look what I've found, a poor, sweet, starving hungry lost vagina. I'll leave it here with you and go home for my tea".

"We placed the vagina on the shelves of the lost property office", explained Station Master Sidney Pomfroy. "Then Brian, who runs the tea bar took a gander at it and said -"Hang on a minute Sydney. Do you know something. I know that fanny".

"No", I said.

"Yes, replied Brian. "I could swear that's Jordan's fanny".

"So I said", Sydney continued. "Are you sure about that Brian? What makes you so convinced that this is Jordan's fanny. I only ask because most fannies look very much the same. And on close examination of this particular fanny, I can't detect anything unusual about it in terms of positive identification".

Then Brian replied: "Look closely. Do you see that tiny scar there"?

"Yes", I said. That's quite an interesting sort of mark to discover on a vagina. There can't be many women about who have anything at all similar".

"That happened on the beach at Hayling Island five years ago", Said Brian.

"Never", replied Sydney. "You telling me you were on a beach with Jordan whenshe injured her fanny"?

"Yes", said Brian. "And here's the evidence to prove it".

Sure enough, Brian pulled out his wallet and revealed a secret pocket from which he took an envelope carefully wrapped in tissue paper.

From within the envelope Sydney then took out a photograph of a vagina which he placed on the table.

There was no doubt about it. The vagina on the shelf and the vagina in the photograph were one and the same vagina.

Miss Price was telephoned instantly and the vagina was happily repatriated a few hours later.

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