Sir Elton John Is Not HIV Positive Nor Does He Have AIDS

Sir Elton John does not have the AIDS virus - nor is he HIV Positive - he merely has a cold, thus dispelling what the whole word was secretly thinking.

Despite the cancellation of over 20 concerts and his 'unexplained' illness Sir Elton is still a whopping 300lbs of chubbiness and, as everyone knows, people with AIDS lose weight - therefore the old porker is NOT suffering from the 'Gay Plague'.

"Sir Elton is fine" said pals David Bowie and Robbie Williams, "he has a sniffle so please, no more kerfuffle" they said in unison.

Despite this announcement rumors still persist - especially as Williams has been rehearsing a version of "Candle In The Wind" with altered lyrics that include references to toupees, big glasses, a guy named Reg and temper tantrums.

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