Susan Boyle, The Builders' Bardot, Provokes Mayhem With Nude Photo Launch

Aroused Men were falling over each other yesterday as they rushed to get their first look at photos of Susan Boyle completely naked.

The simultaneous worldwide launch of her Full-Frontal Xmas Calendar saw queues nearly a mile long in London, New York, Paris and Tokyo.

Office workers fought valiantly in the streets to defend their position as hundreds of crazed plasterers and sexually deranged bricklayers made free use of their hobnailed boots to kick and punch their way to the front.

The lucky ones staggered away and immediately feasted their eyes on January which depicts a smiling Susan as a naked snow-woman - with a live python twisted around her neck.

"What a fantastic lookin' bird", wowed plumber Shawn Bonker as he adjusted his jeans. "Get a look at them tits. I'm takin' my Suze back and I won't be turning in to work for a few days", he added.

"She's such a lovely creature isn't she", said admiring bank manager Vernon Cocktwit. "If I ever have a wife I hope she'll be as beautiful as Miss Boyle", he added as he shuffled off towards a sandwich bar.

Today, the first edition of the calendar was reportedly sold out everywhere. A second edition will be coming soon to all good greengrocers and fishmongers (£14.99).

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