Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes slated to birth Anti-Christ

Tom Cruise, recently appointed head of United Artists, and new bride Katie Holms have been penned in as the stars of their second biological reproduction, "Birth of the Anti-Christ".

Cruise is reported to be very proud to be cast in the role of a parent spurning progeny for the purpose of ultimate evil. Katie chimed in, "we didn't want to take a chance with our first child being deemed the sword of terror, it's so much pressure."

Cruise hopes production can be wrapped up within nine months and they can "put all this pregnancy stuff behind them."

Tom hoped that if he and Holmes fail to breed the son of Satan, they preferred their offspring would perhaps be L. Ron Hubbard, the founder of Scientology, reincarnated.

L Ron Hubbard never had a chance to write the sequel to 'Battle Field Earth'. Mr Cruise feels the property is prefect for UA and offered to option the work as soon as it's confirmed they're son is in fact L Ron raised from the dead.

The Scientology community refused to comment about the developments.

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From the desk of
Buck E. FIlbert
Dec 1, 2006