Ex-VP Dick Cheney found wandering a DC street with a banana up his ass!

Ex-VP Dick Cheney was rushed to Walter Reed Army hospital today complaining of fatigue and an irresitible urge to drag his rear-end across the carpeted floor in an attempt to give himself relief from severe rectal itching. He was founding wandering in his pajamas on H street by police. The arresting officer claims there was a ripe banana protruding from Mr. Cheney's ass.

Surgeon General Angus Mirth treated the ex-VP and gave a report to the press, "Mr. Cheney is resting well and we have administered a sedative and other prescriptions to ease his anxiety. Yes, as most of you already heard, Mr.Cheney has contracted a severe case of rectal worms from having an untreated banana shoved up his ass."

Ass worms have been rampant in various parts of Central and South America for decades. A recent outbreak in Hollywood sidelined popular singer Zac Efron who had to have his ass worms outbreak treated with the treatment of last resort....Jellied gasoline enemas. Zac has since recovered and returned to his schedule, though has reportedly quit smoking.

Ass worms, if not treated in time, will migrate to the nasal passages and at that point are quite noticeable by others. The worms pass their infection on by being sneezed out and spread upon contact with untreated bananas.

According to Walter Reed officials, the extent of the ass worm condition on Cheney is so bad, that jellied gasoline enemas are to begin tomorrow morning just as soon as the Mobil gasoline tanker truck is cleared through hospital security.

_{Make Bargis's day - rate this story with the stars, they're just down there!}