'The World's Most Interesting Man' obtains his latest vintage....'Columbia 1983' (well,sorta)

Fernando Monte Verde, The World's Most Interesting Man, was on his way to his first port call in Columbia when he realized he hadn't a 'special vintage' from one of the world's richest countries in terms of beautiful women.

Of course, he had other 'special vintages' onboard from America, Britain, Venezuala, Peru, France, China, Ukraine, and Africa. To date, a voluptious Colombian wasn't 'in stock,' so to say, but arrrangements had been made enroute and Cartagena, Columbia was the first place of choice.

Monte Verde expertly manuvered the Conquest close to the pier's bulkhead and threw a line to the man on the wharf. From his captain's perch Fernando could see the old city of Ciudad Amarullada shrouded in the thin mist of a late morning thundershower. His Italian white jacket and pants were perfectly pressed and the cobalt blue silk scarf lended an air of steady seamanship abilities to his already carefully managed character.

Australia 1990, quickly donned her silk robe fearing the dark eyes of the leering dock hand and slowly pulled her head from Fernando's perfectly creased lap. Fernando barely looked, but a wane smile framed in a silver beard was his only reaction.

In a few moments, the yacht's gang plank was shifted ashore and three of Cartagena's channel 81 news people rushed aboard in a clatter of equipment and words of excited Spanish.

Monte Verde expected it, as he arranged the interview prior to leaving the Galopagos Islands.

In tow, the reporters introduced Monte Verde to Esmeralda Perez, a native Columbian, who's dark eyes and smoldering good looks caused Fernando's eyebrow to rise considerably.

Being the World's Most Interesting Man, Monte Verde immediately spoke to her in perfect Spanish, complete with the proper northern Colombian dialect. They chatted about local foods, art, the local amatuer ballet and his favorite subject of all... having sex on deck!

Within minutes the captivated Perez was hustled below and befitted in proper yachting clothing with consisted, of Gucci rubber-soled sandals, an Egyptian cotton towel, and a bottle of Nubian suntan lotion. 'Peru 1984' quickly handed Perez her 'sign' which now proclaimed her new 'vintage name' as 'Columbia 1993.'

On deck, the camera crew recorded the transformtion of Ms. Perez and the producer quickly did some mathmatics...1993 to 2009 equaled 16 years! Way short of legal age in Columbia! The producer was first to voice his polite concerns and cautioned Monte Verde about the ramifications of having an underaged citizen on a foreign yacht.

Monte Verde, undeterred as usual, cooly drew on a freshly lit tobacco-stuffed sardine, and forced a smile that displayed perfect white teeth framed by sea-tannned skin and silver wisps of beard. As he spoke, he loudly snapped his perfectly manicured fingers.

"No problem! California 1988, please make the necessary arrangements for our newest vintage."

In a flash, California 1988 had a ready felt-tip marker in hand and neatly changed the 1993 to 1983 on the younger girls sign. Just as quick, she handed each reporter a neat, but thick stack of crisp $100 dollar bills.

"Gentlemen, I'm afraid your math is a bit 'fuzzy,' don't you think? So if you'll excuse us, I'm off to purchase a fresh case of Viagra at the local la farmacia. If you would be so kind as to give me a lift in your brand new Mercedes CLS500 I had delivered over there next to that ratty old white news van."

So goes another day and continuing adventure of Fernando Monte Verde....The World's Most Interesting Man!

_{Make Bargis's day - rate this story with the stars, they're just down there!}