New Satellite Can Track Pot Smokers From Space

DATELINE:NEW_YORK -- A new satellite went into orbit today in a new front on the War on Drugs. The satellite is called NARCO (Nick All Reefer COld) and it is expected to shock marijuana smokers out of the habit. NARCO can instantly detect any burning cannabis in the world. Police departments are preparing for mass arrests, once data begins coming in from the satellite.

NARCO was ordered built by a joint session of Congress in a rare all-night ssesion. Red-eyed lawmakers approved funding for NARCO after smoking the peace-pipe and the satellite was born.

NARCO can find pot smokers up to 10 miles underground. NARCO also has a built in GPS system to track any pot smokers that try to escape. Local police bureaus and the DEA are notified of the crime and an arrest warrant is immediately made. Thousands of arrests are anticipated by the end of today.

NASA is already busy working to upgrade NARCO. Laser beam guns will be installed on the satellite in May. The lasers will be used to vaporize any potsmoker and anyone around them.

Potsmokers reacted with shock and awe today, and wondered if it was simply paranoia. Many potsmokers heard an electronic voice in the distance when they looked at the sky.

"Potsmoker, this is NARCO. Do not resist. The police are coming to get you! DO NOT RESIST!"

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