Al Gore - Fat Americans Are Killing This Planet

NEW YOIK (Defecated News) - Former 'nearly president but not quite' Al Gore launched a new objective yesterday in Manhattan. The 'Kill The Fat, Save The World' Campaign was launched after overpaid researchers found that fat people are 'getting fatter' and this fattiness could 'flatten the world' and sink us all and then we'd die. They also found that when fat folk walk around, they breathe more heavily emitting large volumes of water vapour, a known cause of global warming.

"Consumers consume too much here in the US and I honestly feel that the land is sinking underneath our feet. It is time we took some responsibility for our world and our lardy-asses. Evil bastards must die.", said Mr Gore clenching his fist emotionally. After his speech he joined former Eastenders actor Dean Gaffney for a guided tour around New York's branch of Lidl. They launched a new food range called 'American Meal Solutions', that will transform the way people eat.

"The basis of AMS is small portions of fruit and veg. Each ready meal costs only $28.99 and has only 24kC per meal. The money raised will be used to help the dying and cure cancer, AIDS, VD....and....and shit."

Critics have accused Gore of misleading the public about this and other issues. Supporters, however, say Gore is God and must be worshipped in the style of the Hindu god Krishna.

Boy George refused to comment.

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